Surprise, surprise. You idiots actually listened to me and sent in some great emails and left some truly heart-warming comments (to answer all of your questions: yes, I'm atrociously ugly and fat. How'd you guess?) Except for the dick who just left "funny." Like, actually? Are you serious? What have you accomplished with that? "Funny" as a blog comment is about as effective as texting "ok." Although I guess I should be grateful you broke the commenting ice... but I'm not, I'm pissed. Sorry, not sorry.
ANYway, I'm trying to decide between posting about rich-guy look, or to try to take it in a new and less "waspy" (commenter's words, not mine) direction and talk about the underprivileged yet 'cultured' population here. I'm leaning towards the second (sorry boys, your step-by-step guide to brotastic douchery might just have to be postponed) but I'll consider changing my mind if the first is what my public demands. Slash... if you have any insight into how rich guys manage to look rich while wearing shit from a thrift store.
In the mean time, I know you're all looking for anything to do that doesn't involve actual intellectual stimulus, so I figured I'd post a little procrastination-friendly entry filled with links to all sorts of useless crap I find entertaining. Feel free to leave other links in the comments for your fellow lazy-ass students to enjoy. Just make sure they're funny or I'll moderate the fuck out of them.
I'll start off with this gem, which is absolutely BLOWING UP across campuses in the North East... Personally, it makes me want to gouge out my own eyes and ears with a rusty spoon, but I feel like a lot of you might dig it. Just don't start playing this shit at parties or I swear to holy God I will destroy you.
Why this guy isn't employed by the Discovery Channel yet is beyond me. I would watch absolutely anything he narrated. Especially the idea that I keep emailing them about: a crossover of Jersey Shore and Shark Week.
Baby puppies and duckies. What else do I have to say?
reasons why this video is great:
1. Die Antwoord does the song. I thought I was the only person in the world who loved them, guess not. Fucking weirdos. If you're unfamiliar with their music... peep it here
2. I like how he filled the soda bottles up with water. But if he drank all that soda first... that's fucked up.
3. Full ninja costume/possible bullet proof vest
4. I’ve seen a lot of ninjas in my day and he is hands down the best ninja of all time. Even when all he does is knock something over, he doesn’t give up, he gets his fucking sword out and stabs the shit out of it. It’s unconventional for a ninja, he must have westernized himself because that’s how we do it here in America. We stab the shit out of things, it’s more effective.
5. After he shot this video, his mom probably yelled "God Damnit Carter, get in here! Your pizza rolls are getting cold!"
6. Pizza Rolls!!! So fucking good.
This might reveal my identity, but I feel so passionately about it that I don't care... I have an undying obsession with octopuses. I think they are the greatest things on the planet. They haven't evolved at all over tens of billions of years* because they were made absolutely perfectly (plus, why evolve when you could just do this?) Just LOOK AT THIS SHIT. Unbelievable.
I'm realizing all my links are animal related. Last one- I promise. I didn't think this was too funny until they zoomed in on the parrots face. Cue me laughing out loud in Sawyer and making a total dick of myself. I hope to hear about this being turned into an actual sex move involving lightly smacking alternating cheeks (face or other... you decide) and beaming like a fucking idiot.
Roommate being a total fucking waste of existence? Get some great ideas for letting them in on your true feelings with this website.
I’m sick and tired of these motherfucking penguins, on this motherfucking plane. Just kidding, that phrase doesn’t really apply here, everybody loves penguins, and everybody loves Southwest. But, seriously, why does shit like this NEVER happen to me?
Rascist bitch gets pwnd. My god, I love funny Asians. Although, Collegehumor has shown us and I sooo whole heartedly agree that "Japan's way of demonstrating mass civil unrest is a lot less impressive than Egypt's."
I’m no expert on casting people for reality television shows or anything, but I’m pretty sure in order to be on the Biggest Loser, you only need the following qualifications: have a face, speak English, be fat as fuck. Any sort of personality is just an added bonus, so there’s no way this guy can’t get on the show.
Uh, terrified baby. Hilarious.
Ok, I'm bored. Email me stuff and keep commenting (I think I'll do a reader's email post soon, some of this shit is goooood. Well, I mean, it's ok, but I'm trying to be encouraging here). I'll try to be more offensive next post so I can finally make it to stardom and WSO!
Yours,
Pandora xoxoxx
*No study cited. Please, I might go to Williams but I'm not going to go all crazy-WSO-poster on your ass and pull out some study conducted by Smart&Douchey Inc. to support my claims. I'm just right, deal with it.
Are you in oceanography?
ReplyDeleteI never want it to be Friday ever again...
ReplyDeletealso i'm pretty sure someone's playing live piano and acoustic guitar in the background for that duck and those puppies...but honestly, they deserve it.
ReplyDeletehey kids, no name using here please :) Especially when you don't have the balls to include your own name. But really, nice diss 'Everyone.' You're soooooo funny.
ReplyDeleteI!
ReplyDeleteFunny
ReplyDeleteAm I the only one who realized I promised no more animal posts after the Parrot, then literally one link later I posted something about penguins? I can't help myself!
ReplyDeleteok maybe because you love octopodes so much and i love linguistics so much (thanks willams for getting rid of my major...) you'll agree with me that because octopus come DIRECTLY, sounds the same in greek as in english, just spelled in greek, it should be conjugated in the plural the same way it is in greek as we do with all other greek words?
ReplyDeletesorry i couldn't help my self, one rarely reads about octopodes in the social realm.