How's that stick up your ass feeling?

This is a short(er) post basically serving my self-interest. On a scale from one to funny, it is mainly angry. If you don't care about issues surrounding plagiarism, skip this post and wait a couple of hours until I post one you might enjoy more.

I usually am 100% unmotivated to respond to your stupid-ass comments. I actually sort of resent the comment section of Crammys with all of my tiny, dark, cold heart. Do you think it's fun to constantly have my Gmail open on my laptop, ipad, and smartphone to monitor and screen for "So-and-so is a fat stupid butthole whose father hates them and should kill themselves" tidbits you idiots spew at me on almost a daily basis? Because it's really not. However, I don't delete comments because I don't like them or because they make me look bad, I just delete stupid hate-filled ones that try to name names and encourage suicide/homicide/matricide/pesticide (not really up to date on my Law and Order murder terms, sorry).

So, you might have noticed a couple of comments on my previous post that accuse me of plagiarizing. I'm not going to indulge this too much, but I feel like I really need to clarify some things for you losers that have nothing better to do than examine my blog as if it were my thesis.

Oh, yes, what a great source to reference for my piece on etiquette for running into a one-night-stand in Paresky.

First of all, and I would like to recognize and commend the reader who pointed this out, I can guarantee that NONE of you have seen an entirely original comedy bit. I promise, there's isn't one that exists. And, in case you needed further clarification (read: in case you're a total fucking moron), this blog is not serious. I don't actually give a shit if you wear your overpriced coat and canvas hat around (although I do think they're atrociously ugly). Honestly, I do about 80% of the things I complain about, so either find some grown up underwear and learn to take a joke or go buy a box of tampons and get the fuck off the internet.

[Bah! Sexism! WSO post/Ephblog post! Rant about biological differences between men and women... aka women have ovaries and a brain... Whatever, go to WSO with that shit. Although, for the record, I am writing this blog from a kitchen.]

Secondly, this is a blog, not a fucking dissertation. I'm in the fun anonymous world of the interweb, and if I see something that makes me laugh, I will use it without citing it because I can. Because I'm not abiding by any honor code. Because even though I'm stealing some ideas, I'm using them in my own way to make YOU laugh, not to get ME a grade. Come on, Williams, take the giant dildo out of your ass and just accept Crammys for what it is. It's not your job to grade me or dissect what I say. It is your job to read, laugh (or cry if you're a baby/loser), and write about me on WSO and make me famous.

Also, believe it or not, I got an email after my Reader Emails post (in which I claim to break the Honor Code) that said:

You authoritatively SUCK at...

....breaking the honor code.

By block-quoting all of your letters, you provided clear and unambiguous attribution of those ideas/text that were not your own. Ergo, you fail, and will clearly just have to try harder to actually piss people off.

So, there, reader. Happy? I broke the Honor Code, and I broke it good (and pissed some people off, although that happens regardless of my originality). Although if I were intentionally trying to plagiarize I would have a) copied and pasted this blog (GENIUS!), and b) would have stolen more than 55 words (out of about 2,500).

So... chill out, two commenters who are concerned about my citing ability. I have shit to do on this campus that doesn't involve blogging for your pleasure, so just take what I give you instead of being thankless assholes who complain about something that has been happening in comedic writing since way before you were drooling and shitting your pants (which is a reference to when you were a baby, not a reference to last weekend).

Still have a problem with it? I would normally say something about emailing me here, but I just don't give a shit about breaking the (non-existant) blogging code of conduct and am formally dropping the subject.

Sorry that I'm not even close to sorry.
Pandora



P.S. While I'm commenting on things that are boring and unfunny, I see that over half of the views I get come from Safari (Yes, I can see who views me, what browser they use, and what terms in Google you use to find me). Guys- Cut it out. Seriously. Just go download Firefox 4. Even Chrome is better than fucking Safari. You're welcome.